Vicarious Japanese: November 2008

I made a promise to Auntie Frizz before I left that I would look after and put her beanie and rasta dread wig to use. Proudly, I've kept my word and her hat/wig combo has become an international symbol of greatness! My friend, Mike, and I decided to collaborate on our Halloween costume this year. You see, Himeji is the owner of Japan's most worthless job (as voted on by people I don't know on a site and poll I don't know) - and that is a crossing guard. While I can advocate the usage of crossing guards on some streets in Himeji, we have guards manning streets where nary a bicyclist travels within a four hour period. But, rest assured, when that bike comes down the street, Mr. Crossing Guard snaps into action - lighted baton in hand and he stops the imaginary traffic so the bicyclist can proceed undeterred. The picture is a bit outdated on this link but so is the job I guess.

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.quirkyjapan.or.tv/images/useless2.gif&imgrefurl=http://www.quirkyjapan.or.tv/useless.htm&usg=__uTYQQMVy6_evpOzouubZMeqGpEg=&h=167&w=209&sz=34&hl=en&start=12&sig2=GxDXl0goII4QpPqVY30Jwg&um=1&tbnid=F777XggHPi_byM:&tbnh=85&tbnw=106&ei=fIUlSbnYH4K0kAXg_KQe&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dhimeji%2Bcrossing%2Bguards%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN

Mike and I managed to find most the necessary clothes and props to become an unofficial crossing guard at a Workman shop in the burbs. What we couldn't find were hats. I offered my blond wig to Mike - the very same one that served me well as cracked out Lindsay Lohan last year. He declined and went as a straight-laced caucasian enforcer. I opted for the rasta wig.

Before heading out to the Gaijin bars for the evening, we made a pit stop at the bank. While I waited for the others to get their cash, I saw one of my Japanese teachers walking down the arcade on her phone. I was geared up - I only had one choice...clear the path from any transportation harm that could come her way. Stepping out near her and waving her along only prompted her to move away from me and pretend I didn't exist. Mind you, all she saw was some idiot dressed in a blue jumpsuit with a rasta wig. Clearly she didn't know it was so I yelled, "Hiroko-sensei!!!!" - I really wish I had a camera ready for her reaction. The Japanese know Halloween and what it's all about but it's not to the point where they expect ridiculousness. She got it - her jaw practically hit the floor and she couldn't say anything. It turned out this would be the highlight of my evening.

The next few hours were spent drinking...a lot. At random breaks from drinking, Mike and I would hit the streets and help the helpless cross the dangerous car-less avenues. We were not thanked - but it's a thankless job that someone has to man while the actual guards don't start for another night. Some people recognized and appreciated the costume right away. Some people remained confused, even after an explanation. I was discussing Halloween costumes with friends beforehand and I've come to realize that I enjoy having something only a few people get. Otherwise, I feel it's boring. I'm out to entertain myself and people like me (see Dead Dale).

Before the night got hazy, our group meandered between two bars and a club. At some point, I was coerced into drinking something called a "mind eraser". That should tell you enough. After rotating through bars and clubs, I excused myself to throw up. Following that vomit session, another came soon after it in a park nearby. Let me say one thing about my drunken antics - I am the most considerate and articulate drunk. I formally excuse myself and declare my intentions clearly and succinctly. I leave the area people congregate and I don't make a lot of noise. I return to the group and don't make a dramatic show. The night ended at a club I'd never seen before and haven't seen since. I walked in and immediately knew I hated it, sat outside for ten minutes and walked home. Granted, I wasn't 100% sure which direction I lived - so I picked one and committed. Thankfully it was correct and I made it to bed around 330.

Five and a half hours of sleep wasn't enough time to counteract the alcohol in my system (Mike's either - I'd find out later). My Saturdays consist of eight lessons normally but this was a special day and I only had five - but two of them were in my first two hours, 10 and 11am. Even worse was that the first class was a floor lesson - no tables, young boy. We'll put it this way - I was spinning every time I stood up and felt miserable. We did some coloring and other assorted grounded activities. This day was not shaping up to be happy. My 11:00 was going better because I was able to teach while sitting in a chair and not making my stomach more and more pissed off at me with every motion.

But then....

With about ten minutes left in the lesson, I felt the saliva in the back of my mouth. Ohhhh, we know what comes next. I ran out of the room and downstairs...threw up four times, quickly gathered myself and returned to finish the lesson. That's a puke and rally. My hangover was conquered and the little dude learned English - in a really good lesson actually (well, aside from the three minute 'teacher gotta expel the demons' hiatus). All in all, it was a successful Halloween. Here are some pictures:

Sword fight.

After my baton was broken...noooo!!!!!!!

Tell me that's not the creepiest costume ever - I have zero idea what it is.
Sw

Crossing guard, Spiderman and I think Megumi is a witch but one can never be sure.

Sitcom coming soon....

So I guess there is a new president-elect. If you think I'll go off about how suddenly proud I am to be an American, you probably don't know me very well. While I do believe that Obama's victory is good for America socially, I have no idea what it means beyond that. Unexpectedly, on the day he was elected, a lot of my students' parents commented on it. Well, they mostly just said "Obama, president America." I've discovered in the past few weeks that my students know who Obama is but I don't think they know of him as anything more than a popular American who now leads the country. Well, I'd put myself in that category if I thought about it. Although I was aware I'd get the reaction I ultimately got, I decided one day to explain the electoral process to one of the my adult students. She was nothing short of totally confounded. The predictable question came, "So, the person with more votes could lose?"

People in Obama, Japan were pretty happy - http://jp.youtube.com/results?search_query=obama%2C+japan&search_type=&aq=f

Sunday night I took a nine hour bus ride to Tokyo to visit my friend, Merrily. As you may recall, this was my second bus trip up to Tokyo. This one was met with a few more challenges. The first trip was during the summer so I needed air conditioning nailing me or I'd sweat myself to death. Other than that, the trip was painless. Three factors were making this nightmarish. First, I was in an aisle seat. I hate aisle seats in airplanes and I have discovered that I also hate them on buses. I don't fall asleep sitting straight up - and when there is a bus of pitch black silence, there is nothing else to but sleep or get pissed that you can't sleep. Another factor was that I had a neighbor on this ride. On the first Tokyo run, I was in a solo seat and I could contort myself to a relatively comfortable position. My neighbor was not terrible but he did smoke and smelled as such. He also tended to get a little close to sleeping on my shoulder. From what Mom tells me, I slept on some girl's shoulder on an airplane when I was a young chap. So I know it's the pot calling the kettle black but it was creepy. Don't people have some kind of internal monitor for these things? "Um, I am getting close to making a stranger relationship into something with a little more meaning." The last and worst of the second bus additions was a digital clock at the front of the bus. We left at 11:30pm and were scheduled to arrive near 9:00am. There aren't many more disheartening things than sleeping during a long trip and waking up to find that only 20 minutes had passed. I went through that cycle about six times on this ride. All in all, it ended up well...I made it to Shinjuku a little early and unlike the first trip, I didn't feel like death warmed over because of the summer heat.

After hanging out in Merr's hotel for a while, we went to Tsukiji for sushi - this is one of the must go-to's in Japan for me. Tsukiji is the area where fish is auctioned off each morning so the places nearest to the market have the freshest fish - it's truly amazing. The place Merr and I went to was kaitan sushi (conveyor belt style) - this is only really acceptable in two situations...you are in Tsukiji, Japan and you are trying to set a record for number of plates eaten. Amongst other things, I decided to try this grey/green paste stuff in a roll. Before taking the challenge, I asked the chef what it was - "kanimiso" or "crab brains." After some research, I learned that it was just a concoction of internal crab organs and a little brain. Like most things like this, it's considered something of a delicacy. And, like of most of those things, I don't get it. It tasted like rotting fish and cement. Either way, I tried. With everything I try in Japan - there is one constant...amused locals so while it tasted nasty, I did get sympathy and props for trying from market patrons.

Tsukiji was really my only must-do in Tokyo. The rest of the day, I made suggestions of places we should check out- and we did. Merr's parents met up with us and we explored Shibuya, Shinjuku and Harajuku before having dinner on the 45th floor of Merr's hotel, looking out over Tokyo - absolutely breathtaking. Once the night came, it was time to head back to Himeji. It was a long trip for only a day but it was worth it. On the way home, I stopped at McDonald's near my apartment. While you could argue there is never really a reason to go to McDonald's, I learned that when there is a weird looking foreigner (American) in McDonald's at 1:30am, you should just go home. My second chance came when he asked if I spoke English. Dammit, I do and told him so. He latched on and had me immersed in a conversation I wanted no part of for about 15 minutes before I even got to order. Telling me his life story seemed to be on his agenda. Finally we made it to the present where he asked if I knew any cheap hotels in Himeji. I apologized because I didn't - and wouldn't you know it, he asked to crash on my floor. Let's be clear - I really enjoy helping people but there was absolutely no way this was happening. I expressed my skepticism and countered with, "hey, it's alright man - do you know where I can get a girl for the night?" Well, apparently I now look like a sleaze or a pimp. Do these things happen to other people or am I the only person who seems surprised all of the time?

I saw online that Boyz II Men is coming to Kobe on 12/22!! The first thought that crossed my mind was Dave doing the dance for the "Song for Mama" and I was mentally on board to see the Philly Four - until the price appeared - 50,000 Yen or about $500. That dampened my spirits and I wondered what I'd have to get to justify a $500 ticket. Even though I have no desire for it, the minimum would be a lap dance. I randomly asked my friend, Lianne, the same question and she responded with the same exact answer. This means, a lap dance plus concert is the standard expected from such a lofty ticket price.

Being here so long has its ups and downs when it comes to language. I take about ten Japanese language lessons a month and they are paying off pretty well. The language isn't terribly complicated in structure but there are a ton of ways to the same thing depending on the level of politeness. I figure if I learn the most polite form - things can be altered. Also, there are particles....a lot of particles. The sentence "I went on the bullet train from Tokyo to Osaka and the train from Osaka to Himeji and came home at 3am this morning" would be "Watashi wa shinkansen de Tokyo kara Osaka made to denshu de Osaka kara Himeji made ite asamoi san ji ni kaerimashita." Hmm, maybe the amount isn't too different from English but it seems like it. Ah well, it's coming along and I hope to be able to take a low level fluency test in a few months. On the flipside of that coin, I am forgetting English. It's really astounding how much you rely on constant practice. Even though a majority of my day is speaking and hearing English, my level is dwindling. The English I use in school is always simplified and the English I hear is Engrish - and that turns my English into Engrish at times. I've talked about this with a few friends here and we're all going through the same thing. We forget easy words and catch ourselves omitting articles and things a lot because it's easier to stick with words people need to know in order to communicate. I'll share Susan's story - paraphrased, "I was talking to my dad and I was describing the spice level of something and said 'it has two of those, you know, hollow, chili peppers?' 'Hollow chili peppers?' 'Yeah, you know....pictures of them and they look hollow...I can't think of the word.' 'You mean outlines?' 'Yeah!!! Outlines of chili peppers'."

Despite all that, I am having a great time teaching and a great time in Japan. The time is coming soon to decide whether to extend the contract and it looks like I will...for six months to start. I would like to be emergency teacher - which means simply that I would travel around to all of our schools in Japan and fill in where needed on a temporary basis. It would be a move up in the company and give me the chance to experience more of the country. The other possibility is becoming a trainer but that depends more on the availability of a position. Even if I don't get those chances, I can always stay in Himeji - assuming I am offered an extension. Since my manager volunteered to write me a recommendation, that shouldn't be an issue. If I end up getting the emergency teacher or trainer position, I'd like to move the contract a week or two so I can come home for a bit before starting. We'll see....Oh, and as I uploaded pictures I was reminded to write about Halloween and November 1st.