Mailbag

It's been a little over two months since coming to Japan - I've posted twenty times and I feel my mind searching for things to write about. So I asked for your questions...maybe I can cheat out one post and buy some time to think of things. It's worked. I've received your written inspiration and gained some time to think of topics, so be thankful. Maybe I can bring you to the Land of the Rising Sun for ten minutes a week. Let's pretend I don't know the respondents very well -

The first question comes from an Auntie Frizz (whatever that is) in Des Plaines, IL. I could only guess that is pronounced like Des Moines. So, as Tattoo would say, "De Plane":

"Well for me . . . I want to know more about those bad teeth, that was
surprising to me. Thought they'd all have nice big white healthy teeth.
Also what kind of bugs? Mosquitoes? Cockroaches? Are the people good
dancers?"

I suppose there is a pretty distinctive difference between the snaggle-tooth look and the nasty, discolored teeth. Thankfully, Japanese are more accepting of the snaggle-tooth than the other option. I really couldn't tell you exactly why but the double-tooth (one in front of the other) organization is called "yaeba" - and it's considered by some to be cute or desirable. I think that trend may be passing by because I've seen more orthodontist office around the city than I have gas stations. Then again, I've only seen a handful of gas stations because I live downtown and walk everywhere....with everyone else. On the other hand, a bunch of people have some rancid looking mouths. I won't call specific people out - not that it would matter because they don't about this site and couldn't read it anyways, but I know people whose mouths are painful to look at. Some teeth here and gray and gums seem like strawberry bubble gum ready to pop. You'd think that they have a complete disregard for oral hygiene and while that's possible, the Japanese toothpaste is just a joke. Some toothpastes have flouride (fasso) but most don't and the water has no flouride in it and I suppose that leads to teeth dying and having to be capped. It's pretty gross but the outlook I've had while here is "it's not better, it's not worse, it's just different."

The bugs in Himeji are not really out of my ordinary. There are more cockroaches and mosquitoes than I am used to but nothing too crazy that I've had to read about or anything. Oh and they have really loud cicadas. I know this way too personally. One of the only times I've been in a car while in Japan, my friend, Ai, was driving us to a neighboring town and I had the window open. Before I could even realize what was happening, I heard a cicada and turned left to see one fly in and land directly on my chest. As he stared the look of death into my eyes, I responded in the manliest way I know how...I shook uncontrollably, screamed like a girl and bloused out my shirt until he realized I was no challenge and left peacefully. I've made a habit of bludgeoning mosquitoes and innocuous spiders but cicadas are really damn scary looking.

Are the people good dancers?? Well, they think so. And I am not really one to judge but they just to seem to flail a lot. Maybe they flail rhythmically. Perhaps Japan is reverting back to American 1980's culture...people wear brightly colored clothing, they love Mr. Big and they gather in public places and breakdance. It would be awesome if two rival dance gangs dance rumbled in the arcade for territorial control of the McDonald's...but there is no animosity that I can see and they bring drinks, towels and other dance-aiding supplies. It's better than the kids that gather with similar supplies in front of Dance, Dance Revolution. Another 1980's adopted look - the mullet. There are so many varieties of trendy mullets here; it's astounding

ANNOUNCING A SEGUE

Becky, in Coal City USA, asks, "Have you gotten your hair cut yet? Is it the same? I mean, the hair cutting process, not your hair."

Well, Becky...yes I have. I'd heard from a few people that the hair-cutting process is awesome and I needed to experience it. So a few weekends ago, I went with Lauren to get our hair cut at this salon near my apartment. The place resembled something in Lincoln Park and I figured it would cost about a month's pay. Surprisingly, it was about $27. Oh, if you ever have the chance to get your haircut without the ability to tell the stylist what you want done, take it. It's hysterical. After miming scissors and finger-measuring my hair, I resorted to the Japanese hair magazine. The Japanese dudes are crazy about hair so I had to flip through hundreds of pages of mullets, blond dye jobs gone horribly, feathered Bon Jovi looks, objects shaved into heads and haircuts that just looked like they belonged on animals to find something that considered standard American. My stylist basically told me no. I am not sure why but he elected to do what he wanted. My experience didn't start off great because there were two available stylists for Lauren and me. The guy that came to me was this tall, boring guy. He wasn't even flamboyantly gay. As a matter of fact, most hair stylists here aren't - like I said, they're serious. Lauren got the long straw and she was helped by a man who dressed like that kid in "The Christmas Story" when he wanted to be a cowboy. Japanese juvenile cowboy amused me greatly but I'd have to admire from a distance. To actually answer the question, the guy cut my hair to a certain length....then we went the shampoo. It lasted about ten minutes and was done in four or five stages and included a head massage. Truly amazing...even past the uncomfortable feelings of tall dude massaging my head. I was transferred to another chair where a smaller, more effeminate man brought me iced coffee, gave me another head massage and then carefully styled my hair into whatever it turned into. Japanese haircuts are more about the show than the result I think but well worth it. Thanks for the question, Becky.

Jenny from wherever she lives now, I think Denver asks, "has your time there made you consider staying longer than you originally planned? how has your experience changed the way you see parts of the american culture? who would the japanese rather see as president: obama, hillary, mccain, bush or ron paul?

First, it's 2am right now and I could write a whole lot about how this experience has changed the way I see parts of American culture...so I will do exactly that soon. I suppose I am taking a raincheck on that question for now.

It's only been two months but I am having an amazing time here. Not only has life been flipped upside down for me (something I enjoy anyways) but I think I've really found something in teaching that I am having fun with and am pretty good at. Aside from missing friends, family and watching sports, I cannot complain about anything since coming here and I am truly glad my grandpa told me I had to! I think that it's too early to commit to longer than a year but it will be considered for sure.

I have never discussed American politics with a Japanese person - I don't discuss politics with anyone because I generally don't care much but I can tell you that my adult students have mentioned Bush in class. When I ask what they think about him or how they would describe him - I get the standard "dumb" or "stupid" answers. Usually people who say that refer to his lack of speaking ability and don't really back it up with evidence so who knows how well-founded those opinions are. But, for that reason...I would guess they'd support Obama but I've never heard him mentioned. Here are my thoughts -

Obama - He reminds me of Trevor from "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air". Anyone catch that reference? I think I'll vote for him because he's a White Sox fan. And they say Americans just throw away their votes!! Baseball is important to me.

Hillary - She has big legs but, at least, she's not Hilary Swank - she looks like a horse. Who would want a horse as president? Better yet, who wouldn't want a horse as president...hmmm...

Ron Paul - Anyone with people campaigning in desolate areas like he Mojave Desert has got to be hardcore and good for some hilarity.

Bush - Does this mean Jeb? Barbara? Kate? Band fronted by Gavin Rossdale? I'd vote for Glycerine.

McCain - Dave makes a really strong point and I really am thinking of supporting this way of thinking - "I kind of like McCain's freak jaw and I want to refer to him as "McPain". President McPain 08!!

Karry from Chicago writes, "The blog has been awesome! Been meaning to tell you that. I'm not completely caught up but I've tuned in to many of them. You are an excellent writer and I'm catching the pulse and the vibe of your journey. I appreciate your efforts!

Kleeman-san"

No question in this email but I am motivated my compliments and am shameless enough to share them! Thanks Karry!

Finally, Dave from my heart has asked five questions:

1. Former American Baseball players. For example: Tuffy Rhodes: Is he popular? Have you met him? What is the opinion in Japan about American baseball?

Tuffy Rhodes still plays in Japan - for the Orix Buffaloes. The Buffaloes play in Kobe which is technically the closest team in proximity to me but that's like living between Dallas and Austin. Sure, Dallas may be closer but who wouldn't say they were from Austin?? Anyways, he doesn't seem to be very popular anymore although my baseball-obsessed teenage student knows who he is so that's something. I have met him actually. My favorite haunt in Kobe, as you all know, is the Bruce Lee store in Chinatown. Well, Tuffy hangs out there waiting to be recognized. He's living his own version of Groundhog Day...except his is April 4, 1994. He's a little confused as to why Chicagoans are all speaking Japanese now but no one has the heart to break the news. The Japanese actually seem very entrenched in their league here and don't give MLB much thought. They intensely follow their favorite Japanese players but don't care much otherwise. There are three teams recognized - the Red Sox (Daisuke Matsuzaka), the Yankees (Hideki Matsui) and the Ichiros.

2. Did you meet Piston Honda in Tokyo? Did he give you a TKO from Tokyo?

Unfortunately, I did not...but I saw Mac riding his bike along the coast with that Carl Winslow trainer guy. Oh, and I saw Glass Joe in Harajuku - he now goes by Blowing-Glass Josephine. Kinda tragic.

3. Have you shown people in Japan pictures of Jeff's eyes? I doubt they would know what to do with something that beautiful.

You're right, they wouldn't. All of my Jeff portraits were confiscated by customs because their radiating beauty had apparently caused a flight control problem. One of the air traffic controllers noticed a blip on his screen. Upon further investigating, he saw a bright beautiful blue light coming from the bottom of an international flight from San Francisco to Seoul. He became fixated and, eventually, catatonic while staring at those promises of better days and shirked his responsibilities. A plane bound for Moscow crashed in the taiga somewhere. No one worthwhile died.

4. Have you thought about your retirement? I have a friend that's into planning for the future. You should read his book: "Planning for the future and other modern adult mature thinking" by Scott Collins.

Hmmm, and he's not the married one. I only take advice on the future from Weekend CEO's who've been known to slit insubordinates' wrists for underperforming and talking sass - in short, yes...of course I've consulted with the esteemed Mr. Collins about my retirement.

5. Would Andy be considered to be a "monster" there? How many godzilla-like monsters have you encountered already?

There is a guy I included in a picture a few posts back that I called "Yao Ming"; his name is Joe, or Big Joe. In mass, he is taller and bigger than Andy. I've seen Big Joe with too much alcohol in his system. He has not tossed garbage cans around the streets and jumped into a living room in nothing but a t-shirt and Scooby-Doo boxers so yes, Andy would be considered a monster. And I have encountered four godzilla-like monsters. I beat them with scathing wit and a salt shaker.