Some dos and don'ts

I received some inspiration from my friend, Sara, for this entry. There are a good number of people that have access to this blog- a lot are coming to visit and some live in Japan. So I'll ask those coming to Japan to please read and keep some of this in mind and if anyone would have anything to add that would also be great. These are little things to keep in mind about Japan so that you aren't surprised, pissed, overwhelmed or confused.

Japan is not America. There are a lot of similarities and the daily life vaguely resembles Western life but there are some minor and some major differences. People here do not generally speak English. While a lot of signs include English - the amount people speak is very limited. Granted, they speak more English than Americans speak Japanese. One helpful thing is that a lot of words are borrowed from English so if you pronounce certain things with more vowel sounds and change L's to R's, you might be able to get your point across. Less is always more - if you can ask in Japanese, use as few words as possible because the more words you use, the more likely you are to confuse people. I know this is an over-blown generalization now but the shoe fits...being louder doesn't make people understand any better. Imagine if I yelled, "Doko eki ni desuka?" at you...chances are I could yell this until I was hoarse and you'd have no idea that I asked where the train station is.

You will definitely know when you have to take your shoes off. This is necessary when entering a home and there are a few places of business (schools, restaurants) that ask you to remove your shoes. You'll see steps or shelves with a bunch of shoes. I've never been caught off guard so I don't think it's that tough.

In the train station, you buy tickets from little machines. I think most of them have an English language setting. Once you buy the ticket, you take it to the gate and put it in the machine and walk through and grab the ticket on the other side. If you wait too long, the ticket will get sucked back into the machine and you'll have to talk to someone and who knows how that will end up. Once you've arrived at your destination you put the ticket in the machine again and this time the machine takes the ticket and you're done. If you've done something wrong, little doors will close and you have to try communicating with the train station workers. Overall, it's pretty intuitive but some people have issues. People wait lines by arrows for the trains because that's where they stop and people (de)board.

On the train, you shouldn't talk on your phone. It won't matter much because people visiting won't have them but people don't talk on their phones on trains. Also, if the train is any bit crowded and you have a backpack, take it off and place it between your legs to make more room.

Most places are cash-only. Some places take credit cards - department stores, American shops but generally everything is cash-based.

There is no tipping in Japan. It's mainly because they are being paid for their work. That's a point of pride and tipping is considered somewhat rude - this includes waiters, taxi drivers, barbers, etc.

In restaurants most people drink water. Usually it comes in very small glasses. You can always ask for refills or some places give you a pitcher. Soft drinks are available but they are expensive and there are no free refills - same goes with coffee (except Mister Donut). The portions are smaller than you think. If you want to eat traditional Japanese foods - you should learn to love noodles and rice. Generally the food is not very salty and, therefore, may taste a little bland to you. Not everything is sushi - as a matter of fact, it's not as pervasive as you'd think. It's definitely more accepted here as normal than America but it's not everywhere...I have a good number of students who don't like fish - that shocked me. They do ALL eat rice and miso soup.

Drinking alcohol in public is perfectly acceptable. But a caveat to that is that drinking anything while walking or wandering around stores or whatever is considered rude. People do it but it's frowned upon and you may get dirty looks. It's the same but a little worse with eating. Usually if you are out of peoples' way and standing still against a wall or something, eating and drinking is fine.

You get a bag for almost everything.

Garbage cans in public are really difficult to find. Normally there garbage cans near grocery stores and convenience stores but I am not sure where else with regularity.

Most people wait for the lights to cross streets. Some people cross but most of the time, there is a gathering of people waiting for lights.

Oh, and there are money trays that you put money onto. Handing money to people kinda takes them off guard.

That's all I can think of right now - I'll try taking some notes while I'm out to see if I can think of other things.


Here are some random pictures:
Two new Japanese friends - Yuka and her husband
Aya and Meredith. Two pictures were being taken and they looked at the other camera. Meredith is from Port Hadlock, WA!!
Mike and I looking American - notice the Budweiser and Snickers
Himeji Crossing Guard - the inspiration for our Halloween costume
Suspended chopsticks, of course

Ohhhhh Hanshin Tigers

One of the goals before leaving was to attend a Japanese baseball game. I never knew the wonders until I saw that insufferable Anthony Bourdain - even despite his presence, I thought the game look captivating. As soon as I got here, I realized that tickets would be next to impossible to come by because their fans are a little bit crazy and every game sells out. Thankfully I work for a school that caters to wealthier kids, with wealthier parents. My friend and roommate from training, TJ, sent me a message and asked if I wanted to go to a game. Quicker than Jamie Lynn Spears got preg-o again, I told him I would love to attend. So I was going to the final home regular season game for the Hanshin Tigers against the Hiroshima Carp. I met TJ, Sara and two of their Japanese teacher friends and we made our way from Kobe to Koshien (15 minute local train). For those who've been to both, Wrigley and Fenway just sorta come out of nowhere..."oh, there's a stadium." After stepping out of the train station, I knew we were close - after all there were thousands of people dressed in jerseys and awesome pants (see below) but I had no idea where the park was. We walked seemingly closer and closer and people kept funneling in towards one place but I was still a bit confused. A little bit ahead and above us were a few highways and a set of train tracks that were concrete over a green base. And behind the highways/train tracks, there was the stadium. It couldn't have been more than fifty feet tall and camouflaged perfectly because the outside was the same green as the highway and we arrived at dusk on a rainy night.

After stopping at the souvenir shop, we were ready to go inside. The inside of the stadium is hard to describe. The concession area was terribly narrow and they had ramps leading into the gates. People were crammed like sardines - some waiting in long long lines for food, some in the designated smoking area (I wish I had a picture of this - it was more ridiculous than smoking rooms at airports), women waiting in winding lines or men walking into the barely-covered urinal rooms. It's not everyday you go to a stadium and dudes are just peeing while people walk behind them. Finally we headed to our seats. The park looks like a glorified minor league park - except the capacity was over 50,000. Rain was coming down softly but steadily but no one could care less. That, in itself, is surprising because the Japanese usually freak out when there's rain - they run everywhere with umbrellas like the next great typhoon is nearing. But at the baseball game, it's just part of the event I guess. One thing I noticed right away was that the covered seats in the park (basically between home/first and home/third) were maybe 2/3 full and the uncovered seats were almost totally occupied. I know in America - if there are open seats near the field, we jump on those lickity split...especially if they're covered and it's raining but not here. I am not sure if it's an issue of honoring the ticket or if it's because the main cheering sections were located in the outfield - I would buy either reason as valid.

Before I knew what happened, the game started. There was no national anthem. There really isn't much stadium-created pageantry and the PA guy was very muted when he announced the first batter. After Hanshin got out of the top of the first, the cheering started and it did not quit until the end of the Hanshin half-inning. We were given these plastic little Fred Flinstone bat things and you bang them together like a boom stick. I find this annoying in America because it's a passing fancy that distracts people into paying attention - like "the wave". In Japan, I was OK with it and participated fully because....everyone does. There is singing, rhythmic bat banging, cheering and chanting and it's non-stop. Each hitter has his own songs and all of the fans know and sing them. I worried about this beforehand because I didn't want to be given dirty looks but once you've heard one, they're pretty much all the same. One of the standards they use was a song that centered around the phrase "Ka-toe-bah-say (player's name)" - "katobase" means essentially "get a hit." The game continued in this pattern until the middle of the 7th - it was balloon time. During the top of the inning, everyone began blowing up their penis looking balloons. So we waited and waited while the American pitching for the Tigers allowed a run and made the inning excruciatingly long. Finally it was time, the Hanshin Tigers fight song started, most people sang...my friends and I mumbled until the "Oh-oh-oh-oh Hanshin Tigers....fure fure fure fure" part and then people let the balloons go. It creates a really cool look with a bunch of multi-colored penis balloons flying up and then coming down. I only wish I performed better. My balloons must have had a problem with premature ejaculation because they went up and then right down. I was left disappointed and unfulfilled, but the spectacle was pretty cool. So, the Tigers got a 2-run homer in the bottom of the 8th by their superstar, Kanemoto, and won 5-3. All in all, just a once in a lifetime event and I can't wait to get back next season. So I've included some photos but before I stop the writing, let me tell you about the greatest curse I've ever heard of:

In 1985, much to Japanese people's surprise, the Hanshin Tigers faced the Seibu Lions and took their first and only victory in the Japan Series, largely due to star slugger Randy Bass, a gaijin (foreigner) player for the team.

The rabid fan base went wild, and a riotous celebration gathered at Ebisubashi Bridge in Dotonbori, Osaka. There, an assemblage of supporters yelled the players names, and with every name a fan resembling a member of the victorious team leapt from the bridge into the waiting canal. However, lacking someone to imitate MVP Randy Bass, the rabid crowd seized a Colonel Sanders (like Bass, the Colonel had a beard and was not Japanese) plastic statue from a nearby KFC and tossed it off the bridge as an effigy.

This impulsive maneuver was to cost the team greatly, beginning the Curse of the Colonel. Urban legend has it that the Tigers will not win the championship again until the statue is recovered. Also at KFC restaurants in the Kansai region, the Colonel is either chained to the stores or brought inside.



Yes, congratulation. But only one.
Flying Phalli
TJ, Sara and the two Japanese teachers - whose names I've forgotten...sorry.
A look across the field where the right field stands prepared to launch
At their full power
Crazy 1980s vendors - Donata biiru wa desuka?
View from our seats- there was an unexplained entrance to the field in the middle of the stands.
TJ - but, more importantly, the pants I must find.
Hanshin Tigers Taxi

Ohhhhh!!!

For Tiffany - I just watched "Full House" with Japanese dubbing. Glorious!

Nearing the Climax

I would like to thank my various friends for their ideas and assistance in writing this blog entry. Although I still have no clue how it will turn out, they have been a great deal of help - Tiffany, Andy, Rachel...you will all be repaid in 1 Yen pieces.

Last weekend was super duper busy. After work Saturday night, I have no idea what I did. Good start to fleshing out this story, I know. My Saturdays in the fall have been and will continue to follow a pattern: eat, drink, don't pass out, listen to the Illini game starting at 1am, inevitably fall asleep, wake up numerous times to check the progress. The Illini vs Louisiana-Lafayette game looked sleepable so I nodded off around halftime and eventually woke up to a 20-17 final. Thankfully I remembered we had 20 when I fell asleep but I panicked almost enough to let out a tear.

Sunday night, Himeji-shi was holding a "Moon Viewing Party" at the castle. My mom's saying of "Asians have parties every time someone farts in the wind" seems to hold up outside of America as well. At the base of the castle, there is a huge field where thousands of people gathered. Along the perimeter of the field, a whole bunch of concession stands stood offering normal Japanese concession foods - like cucumbers and a variety of teas. It's a bit different from hot dogs and nachos and processed cheese. There is one major similarity - alcohol. Although beer is widely available, this festival must have had some tie-in with local sake breweries. For 500 Yen, you are given a sake cup, which you take to the giant square in the middle of the park and try different breweries' sakes. From my American experience with sake, I expected variations of rubbing alcohol. Surprisingly sake flavors vary greatly and most of them do not make me exhale loudly with a pained look on my face. I'd forgotten that sake is actually rice wine - and these actually tasted like rice. So, even though the sake was my and most peoples' main attraction, there was also a giant stage with different Japanese music and dances and even the taiga drums - those giant bass canvas drums...captivating in person. Every time I visit that castle, a sense of history overwhelms me. I know that you could walk around and think that people have walked in this spot for hundreds of years but you don't really understand the magnitude until you've been somewhere where great preservation efforts have been made. Samurais and I have walked in the same exact spots (and the weird one-day tourists with over or under-sized stained shirts, giant cameras, cargo shorts, big white socks and boots). I haven't been brave enough to visit the section of the castle where it's believed that people committed hari kari - you know, the sword to the stomach deal.

The next day I woke up to phone calls from a blocked number. About four of them came through before there was a message- it was old roommate David and Hirman. They were in Japan (as I'd known they would be) for a day and wanted to get together. Unfortunately they were in Tokyo and I am nowhere close to Tokyo. We wanted to find something in the middle, but there really is nothing so they relented and took the shinkansen to Kyoto and I met them there. This is the third time I've been to Kyoto and that city will never get old. There is a modern city built around history. It's remarkable to walk around a shopping district and have a temple perfectly in tact right next to a line of stores. David, Hirman and I went to three places - Kinkaku-jin Castle (Golden Castle - as you may recall), the first Buddhist Zen Garden and Fukushimi Inari Shrine which is famous for its toriis. You'd probably recognize them as giant gates - see the picture below. Earlier that day, we received out fortunes. The idea with this is if you receive a good fortune, you are to keep it with you until your fortune is fulfilled and mail or bring back the paper to the temple - and if it's bad, you tie it to designated posts. Mine was pretty awesome - here's the transcription:

"Everything you want to do can be done well. No problem in your family.
Your Fortune: Excellent
Your boss will back you up. There seems to be no problem. Your family will live together happily. Be modest and clean, respect older people and be kind to younger people. Your fortune will be much more excellent.
Wish- Everything goes as you expect. You can sell or buy any house, any land.
Expected visitor- He (or she) will come very soon.
Missing Thing- Keep calm and look around with patience
Travel- Business trip will do good
Business- All right, but be cool.
Study- No problem, continue studying
Speculation- Just wait, or you'll lose
Game and Match- You will surely win. Be calm.
Love- Get along with your partner faithfully
Removal- No problem
Childbirth- Don't worry
Illness- Be faithful, and it will soon be cured
Marriage Proposal- Leave it to others. You can realize it.

I like these Japanese fortunes, they tell me I am awesome and I have and will have no problems.

There are nine Taco Bell locations in Japan - the nearest is 645km away. Dammit.

Next week, I'll get to go to my first Japanese baseball game!!! I think that it's a makeup game - and it is the last regular season home game for the Hanshin Tigers and I cannot wait. They are playing the Hiroshima Toyo Carp. Even though I have no clue what the fight song means, I am trying to learn it so I don't feel like a jackass - more than normal. If you've never seen anything on Japanese baseball, the fans are certifiably crazy - like soccer but louder. They have specified cheers for each player. There's no way for me to learn all of this but the experience will be unreal. Speaking of baseball, I am really missing watching the White Sox limp into the playoffs. It'll be pretty awesome to be first victims of the Tampa Bay Rays cinderella postseason run.

I am putting this part last because I know my mom prints these out and sends them to my grandparents - Mom, it might be high time to take out the scissors. Earlier this week, I looked out of the window at school and saw one of the moms that I teach and she had a t-shirt on that said, "Nearing the Climax". The hilarity of Engrish shirts never ceases to amaze and entertain but this one was too much to pass up. I told my co-worker that I was going to talk with the mom about her shirt during our lesson a few days later. Thankfully when Saturday came, she wore the shirt again to class!! Oh, perfect. There is no real way to just say- "do you understand what your shirt means" with someone who doesn't know the language well. Like everything else, I had to build the bridge. So we talked about metaphors first - comparing apples to oranges. Once we established that concept, I wrote "Nearing the Climax" on the board and asked if she knew what a climax was. She did - the climax or turning point of a story. I asked her to think about sex, hoping she would put two and two together. No such luck. I apologized a few times in advance of my next tactic. You should know now that she is hilarious and I wasn't stepping totally out of bounds but still, a little taboo. I wrote "orgasm" on the whiteboard and asked her to look it up in her dictionary. She read the definition in Japanese, her eyes widened and her mouth went agape then she laughed to the point where she almost fell out of the chair....definitely a high point of my short-lived teaching career.

Enjoy pictures - comment please!

This is the giant, mutant pear I bought the other day
The first of a thousand toriis - and David with a homage to Titanic --- probably
The first Zen Garden - these rocks have been in the same place since the 15th century
My friend, Mr. Buddha
We took the Usual Route
Tough to see, but these are Mandarin ducks - cleanest ducks I've ever seen
Moon Festival and a view of the lit up castle - pretty awesome picture
Sake dealers
Jacqui with her 2200 Yen parfait. She finished every drop herself
So, in one class- I drew a panda that didn't look much like a panda, so I made it a dog that doesn't look much like a dog. The next class's student came in and drew something on the board - just....look
Ladies and Gentlemen, the return of #1!!!!!
Team I Don't Think We Have a Name But We Do Wear Teenage Girl Sun Arm Protectors!!

Teaching the Familiar in an Unfamiliar Place

This will be a difficult entry to write - not because I am having a mental or creative lapse but I bought a guitar yesterday and my fingers are killing me right now. For those guitarists, do they callous up sometime quick or am I just a giant pansy for the tips of my fingers hurting and my left forearm muscles burning? Spending a great deal of time on the internet is fun and all but I could be doing more constructive things with my evenings. On Sunday, I begin the first round of Japanese lessons at the International Center - only 3000 Yen for 10 lessons...ridiculously cheap when the alternative is a private lesson - one session, two hours, 3000 Yen. Between that and the guitar, I should be more of an awesome, self-absorbed person whenever I get back to the US.

Aside from the hour or so I spent before writing the "While I'm Thinking About It", I have not sat down and outlined or thought about what I wanted to write...it was never my style in school and why should it be now? I feel like I get across what I want to get across easier if I have free-flowing thoughts. All that said, I took a few minutes to think of six pretty important obstacles I'm encountering while teaching in Japan. Some of them I've learned to deal with and some I am still feel pretty lost but here they are. I know there are, at least, a few teachers that read this and maybe you'll sympathize - or maybe not because they may be too specific to Japan.

Obstacle #1 - The kids are really cute.
I am having some trouble figuring out whether this is Japan-specific or not, but I am leaning towards thinking it is. Obviously there are cute kids everywhere - by the same token, there are unfortunate looking kids everywhere. What separates American and Japanese children is that there more cuter kids in number than in America, I think. I am going to stick with that theory but I do understand the counter-points - I have fewer children in total than American teachers would, it's only been ten weeks, the kids are from more affluent families and I cannot understand most of what they say (more on this later). As a whole, I think that Japanese parents have more concern with the way their children look than American parents. Maybe I've forgotten or something but my memory of American children but I am just picturing strange fitting clothes with random stains. That doesn't really happen here - maybe it's because Japanese adults don't really walk around in comfort clothes or maybe it's because most Japanese women are stay-at-home Moms and they have the time and the money to keep the kids constantly clean and dressed well. Most of the younger kids come to my classes dressed nicely - polo shirts, button down shirts with pants or shorts and a lot of dresses on the little girls. They look like children that belong in magazines. Most teachers I've spoken with seem to share the belief that the cuter the kids look, the easier it is to become lenient with discipline or with sticking with a lesson. I wouldn't say it's been a huge problem for me but I've noticed it.

Please let me share a story that wholly disagrees with my theory. Two weeks ago, I had this little boy in a private lesson. I was transitioning between parts of the class. He did not say a word - in Japanese or in English but as soon as I knew it, there was a pee puddle in the middle of the room. I've had no siblings, no real experience babysitting or teaching or any other child waste evac training so I panicked. I opened the door and motioned for him to come. We needed to get downstairs to the bathroom. I should have just picked him up but my mind was racing so he just kinda cowboy walked in his pee pants to the stairs and headed to the bathroom. I opened the door, he put on the bathroom slippers and lifted the toilet seat so I figured he could take it from there. Nope, he got his pants down and hugged the toilet bowl. Hmmmm...as I was planning my next action, I looked down and saw a poop nugget making its way out. My muscles seized but I snapped back pretty quick and lifted him onto the toilet. I gave him the thumbs up to make sure he knew what was going on...he stared blankly. I closed the door and got my manager. She barged into the bathroom and as soon as she did, he bolted out of the room - with only a t-shirt on. The moms who were watching my agony starting frantically pointing because he still had poop coming out!! My manager got him back into the bathroom and eventually he finished the job. I presume manager was calling his mother during this time but she told me, "Please continue the lesson." Shocked and awed, we went back upstairs and I went fifteen minutes past time with a basically naked boy. As I maintained my distance, he was spreading eagle in liberated glory all over the room as the frightened foreign teacher ran in circles trying to avoid contact. Thankfully it all ended with a barrage of 'sumimasens' from his mom...this ordeal was not cute.

Obstacle #2 - Communication

Well, duh...right? Communication is difficult for the four thousand reasons you think of right away. Past the normal communication barrier between adult and child, it's exponentially more difficult when neither the child nor the teacher totally understands what the other is saying. Aside from learning some Japanese by exposure, I really cannot tell what my kids think or say unless it's in English or by gestures.

Thankfully, communication the world-over is not entirely about the words you use. Many messages and points can be delivered by the tone of your voice or with non-verbal communication. A pissed-off stare means the same thing in Japan as it does in America. On the flipside, kids have the tendency to talk 'to you' while they do something - they are talking so that you'll listen but don't care whether you answer or what your answer is - so a few well-placed "ohhh"s or "mmm"s does the trick. I've used this with kids from all different cultures with the same results. Of course this also works a lot with adults too. Also tried and true.

Obstacle #3 - Crazy kids are everywhere

I have a group of five 8-9 year olds each Tuesday evening and I truly feel like if I had to deal with that everyday, I would be an alcoholic. My situation is a little different because the structure of school is not really present so I don't have that to rely on but I have a new respect for 3rd or 4th grade teachers. Also I have a couple of kids throughout the week that are just a little bit nuts. I always like to say that they are the kids that stand with both arms behind their backs and the left hand holds the right elbow and they sway back and forth. They are the same kids who are forced to play little league and spend the time squatting in right field picking dandelions. I've noticed about the same ratio of normal to abnormal here as America.

Obstacle #4 - Rewards and Disappointments

Mentoring teenagers last year taught me that every class is building a bridge. And the next class is building that same bridge and moving a little forward. Hopefully, in time, that bridge is built and you move onto the next bridge. It's like taking the Oregon Trail and you have to see how far you can get before catching cholera, fording a river and drowning with your hundred pounds of oxen meat. Kids understanding something is a natural high that can't really be explained but I have to try not focusing on it...instead I need to build on that and hopefully something else will sink in. Everything works the same in reverse. Often times, kids are just parroting me and it becomes evident pretty quickly - it's really disappointing. I get to points where I don't know how to teach something or where I think the kids will never understand what I want them to learn. To me, it means that I have to find more ways to make them absorb the lesson and that's my main obstacle thusfar with teaching.

Obstacle #5 - Students in Japan have a different life

I won't try to guess what American kids are like nowadays and how teachers deal with them, but I can tell you that Japanese kids work their asses off. Their educational devotion is not a myth. Whether or not it's the right way to do things isn't what I'm concerned with...it's trying not to bog them down even further and makes things interesting for them. That's not only my thought - it's part of our company's mission. Kids get time off (maybe a little less than American kids) for vacations. The difference is that they are generally assigned projects or reports to do over the vacations. In addition to everyday school, kids are in prep classes, mandatory school clubs/festivals, cram schools and supplemental lessons (like mine) - and those add-on activities are increased when school is on vacation. It's really no wonder why kids show up for a 7pm lesson completely wiped-out. I can't blame them and I try to make the lesson as relaxed but educational as I can. A lot of times I feel like I am being too casual - but I would much rather that than to pile on more stress to their already ridiculous lives. Perhaps I am deluding myself but I think they learn more in that environment than if I cracked a ruler and we went over grammar for an hour.

Obstacle #6 - Inside the class - authority, Outside the class - idiot

My favorite paradox of Japan is that inside of my school building, there is absolutely no one there more qualified to teach a subject than me but outside, I know less about living in this culture and speaking its language than anyone I know. In Japan, I'm an English savant who cannot function in other parts of life without assistance or the patience of strangers.

I will include a few pictures of the cutest child known to man (Hikaru) and I'd ask you to visit my school's web page to see me horrible staff picture and the picture (in the scroll - upper left) with two of my high school students!

http://www.amity.co.jp/school/english/2819.html

And I'll answer a few questions from the emails that have trickled in -

Amanda, originally of Park Ridge, IL writes "I have a size 7.5 women's feet. Would I be considered a Big Foot in Japan? =)"

Ok, well a 7.5 American is about equal to 24cm here and that would be your shoe size. I don't know for sure about women's shoes but most of my friends have had issues. While you wouldn't be Big Foot, it'd be tough to find shoes here - also keep in mind that Japanese women have really narrow feet and width becomes a problem too. I cannot easily find shoes here...oddly the bowling alley carries larger size shoes but I've found nothing in Himeji. But...Kobe is supposedly the shoe capital of Japan - maybe I'll explore that. Amanda, come visit...we'll shoe shop!

Here's a good time to give credit where it's due. I thanked my Mom for my lack of artistic ability and juvenile sense of humor. To be honest, I thought about thanking you for my belching abilities but actually used tact for once. Well, I was caught on it, so...Mom, thank you for my belching abilities. If it wasn't for your nightly burp concerts and your constant encouragement, I would not be adequately prepared for power hours. Now onto a few of your questions:

Do the Japanese have pets (or do they just eat them)?
This isn't Korea...or Arkansas!! There are more pets here than I thought but not that many compared to the US. Most people live in apartments and that makes it a little more troublesome to have pets.

Given the warnings about bringing your own deodorant and the excessively high humidity, do Japanese people smell?
You know, not really. The only time I notice anything is after they eat certain foods and get dragon breath. Oooooh, sometimes that is nothing short of repulsive.

Do the Japanese discuss their own politics? Do they tend to be more liberal or conservative?
Maybe if I knew Japanese, I would have a better answer but I've never heard it. Something tells me the communication is different because Japan isn't a democracy but I really don't know. My guess is that they'd be conservative at heart, even if they look ridiculously liberal on the outside.

Done. Phew!

HIKARU!!!!!

Brenna using the wonderful slime that her student made in science class and gifted to her!

Mailbag

It's been a little over two months since coming to Japan - I've posted twenty times and I feel my mind searching for things to write about. So I asked for your questions...maybe I can cheat out one post and buy some time to think of things. It's worked. I've received your written inspiration and gained some time to think of topics, so be thankful. Maybe I can bring you to the Land of the Rising Sun for ten minutes a week. Let's pretend I don't know the respondents very well -

The first question comes from an Auntie Frizz (whatever that is) in Des Plaines, IL. I could only guess that is pronounced like Des Moines. So, as Tattoo would say, "De Plane":

"Well for me . . . I want to know more about those bad teeth, that was
surprising to me. Thought they'd all have nice big white healthy teeth.
Also what kind of bugs? Mosquitoes? Cockroaches? Are the people good
dancers?"

I suppose there is a pretty distinctive difference between the snaggle-tooth look and the nasty, discolored teeth. Thankfully, Japanese are more accepting of the snaggle-tooth than the other option. I really couldn't tell you exactly why but the double-tooth (one in front of the other) organization is called "yaeba" - and it's considered by some to be cute or desirable. I think that trend may be passing by because I've seen more orthodontist office around the city than I have gas stations. Then again, I've only seen a handful of gas stations because I live downtown and walk everywhere....with everyone else. On the other hand, a bunch of people have some rancid looking mouths. I won't call specific people out - not that it would matter because they don't about this site and couldn't read it anyways, but I know people whose mouths are painful to look at. Some teeth here and gray and gums seem like strawberry bubble gum ready to pop. You'd think that they have a complete disregard for oral hygiene and while that's possible, the Japanese toothpaste is just a joke. Some toothpastes have flouride (fasso) but most don't and the water has no flouride in it and I suppose that leads to teeth dying and having to be capped. It's pretty gross but the outlook I've had while here is "it's not better, it's not worse, it's just different."

The bugs in Himeji are not really out of my ordinary. There are more cockroaches and mosquitoes than I am used to but nothing too crazy that I've had to read about or anything. Oh and they have really loud cicadas. I know this way too personally. One of the only times I've been in a car while in Japan, my friend, Ai, was driving us to a neighboring town and I had the window open. Before I could even realize what was happening, I heard a cicada and turned left to see one fly in and land directly on my chest. As he stared the look of death into my eyes, I responded in the manliest way I know how...I shook uncontrollably, screamed like a girl and bloused out my shirt until he realized I was no challenge and left peacefully. I've made a habit of bludgeoning mosquitoes and innocuous spiders but cicadas are really damn scary looking.

Are the people good dancers?? Well, they think so. And I am not really one to judge but they just to seem to flail a lot. Maybe they flail rhythmically. Perhaps Japan is reverting back to American 1980's culture...people wear brightly colored clothing, they love Mr. Big and they gather in public places and breakdance. It would be awesome if two rival dance gangs dance rumbled in the arcade for territorial control of the McDonald's...but there is no animosity that I can see and they bring drinks, towels and other dance-aiding supplies. It's better than the kids that gather with similar supplies in front of Dance, Dance Revolution. Another 1980's adopted look - the mullet. There are so many varieties of trendy mullets here; it's astounding

ANNOUNCING A SEGUE

Becky, in Coal City USA, asks, "Have you gotten your hair cut yet? Is it the same? I mean, the hair cutting process, not your hair."

Well, Becky...yes I have. I'd heard from a few people that the hair-cutting process is awesome and I needed to experience it. So a few weekends ago, I went with Lauren to get our hair cut at this salon near my apartment. The place resembled something in Lincoln Park and I figured it would cost about a month's pay. Surprisingly, it was about $27. Oh, if you ever have the chance to get your haircut without the ability to tell the stylist what you want done, take it. It's hysterical. After miming scissors and finger-measuring my hair, I resorted to the Japanese hair magazine. The Japanese dudes are crazy about hair so I had to flip through hundreds of pages of mullets, blond dye jobs gone horribly, feathered Bon Jovi looks, objects shaved into heads and haircuts that just looked like they belonged on animals to find something that considered standard American. My stylist basically told me no. I am not sure why but he elected to do what he wanted. My experience didn't start off great because there were two available stylists for Lauren and me. The guy that came to me was this tall, boring guy. He wasn't even flamboyantly gay. As a matter of fact, most hair stylists here aren't - like I said, they're serious. Lauren got the long straw and she was helped by a man who dressed like that kid in "The Christmas Story" when he wanted to be a cowboy. Japanese juvenile cowboy amused me greatly but I'd have to admire from a distance. To actually answer the question, the guy cut my hair to a certain length....then we went the shampoo. It lasted about ten minutes and was done in four or five stages and included a head massage. Truly amazing...even past the uncomfortable feelings of tall dude massaging my head. I was transferred to another chair where a smaller, more effeminate man brought me iced coffee, gave me another head massage and then carefully styled my hair into whatever it turned into. Japanese haircuts are more about the show than the result I think but well worth it. Thanks for the question, Becky.

Jenny from wherever she lives now, I think Denver asks, "has your time there made you consider staying longer than you originally planned? how has your experience changed the way you see parts of the american culture? who would the japanese rather see as president: obama, hillary, mccain, bush or ron paul?

First, it's 2am right now and I could write a whole lot about how this experience has changed the way I see parts of American culture...so I will do exactly that soon. I suppose I am taking a raincheck on that question for now.

It's only been two months but I am having an amazing time here. Not only has life been flipped upside down for me (something I enjoy anyways) but I think I've really found something in teaching that I am having fun with and am pretty good at. Aside from missing friends, family and watching sports, I cannot complain about anything since coming here and I am truly glad my grandpa told me I had to! I think that it's too early to commit to longer than a year but it will be considered for sure.

I have never discussed American politics with a Japanese person - I don't discuss politics with anyone because I generally don't care much but I can tell you that my adult students have mentioned Bush in class. When I ask what they think about him or how they would describe him - I get the standard "dumb" or "stupid" answers. Usually people who say that refer to his lack of speaking ability and don't really back it up with evidence so who knows how well-founded those opinions are. But, for that reason...I would guess they'd support Obama but I've never heard him mentioned. Here are my thoughts -

Obama - He reminds me of Trevor from "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air". Anyone catch that reference? I think I'll vote for him because he's a White Sox fan. And they say Americans just throw away their votes!! Baseball is important to me.

Hillary - She has big legs but, at least, she's not Hilary Swank - she looks like a horse. Who would want a horse as president? Better yet, who wouldn't want a horse as president...hmmm...

Ron Paul - Anyone with people campaigning in desolate areas like he Mojave Desert has got to be hardcore and good for some hilarity.

Bush - Does this mean Jeb? Barbara? Kate? Band fronted by Gavin Rossdale? I'd vote for Glycerine.

McCain - Dave makes a really strong point and I really am thinking of supporting this way of thinking - "I kind of like McCain's freak jaw and I want to refer to him as "McPain". President McPain 08!!

Karry from Chicago writes, "The blog has been awesome! Been meaning to tell you that. I'm not completely caught up but I've tuned in to many of them. You are an excellent writer and I'm catching the pulse and the vibe of your journey. I appreciate your efforts!

Kleeman-san"

No question in this email but I am motivated my compliments and am shameless enough to share them! Thanks Karry!

Finally, Dave from my heart has asked five questions:

1. Former American Baseball players. For example: Tuffy Rhodes: Is he popular? Have you met him? What is the opinion in Japan about American baseball?

Tuffy Rhodes still plays in Japan - for the Orix Buffaloes. The Buffaloes play in Kobe which is technically the closest team in proximity to me but that's like living between Dallas and Austin. Sure, Dallas may be closer but who wouldn't say they were from Austin?? Anyways, he doesn't seem to be very popular anymore although my baseball-obsessed teenage student knows who he is so that's something. I have met him actually. My favorite haunt in Kobe, as you all know, is the Bruce Lee store in Chinatown. Well, Tuffy hangs out there waiting to be recognized. He's living his own version of Groundhog Day...except his is April 4, 1994. He's a little confused as to why Chicagoans are all speaking Japanese now but no one has the heart to break the news. The Japanese actually seem very entrenched in their league here and don't give MLB much thought. They intensely follow their favorite Japanese players but don't care much otherwise. There are three teams recognized - the Red Sox (Daisuke Matsuzaka), the Yankees (Hideki Matsui) and the Ichiros.

2. Did you meet Piston Honda in Tokyo? Did he give you a TKO from Tokyo?

Unfortunately, I did not...but I saw Mac riding his bike along the coast with that Carl Winslow trainer guy. Oh, and I saw Glass Joe in Harajuku - he now goes by Blowing-Glass Josephine. Kinda tragic.

3. Have you shown people in Japan pictures of Jeff's eyes? I doubt they would know what to do with something that beautiful.

You're right, they wouldn't. All of my Jeff portraits were confiscated by customs because their radiating beauty had apparently caused a flight control problem. One of the air traffic controllers noticed a blip on his screen. Upon further investigating, he saw a bright beautiful blue light coming from the bottom of an international flight from San Francisco to Seoul. He became fixated and, eventually, catatonic while staring at those promises of better days and shirked his responsibilities. A plane bound for Moscow crashed in the taiga somewhere. No one worthwhile died.

4. Have you thought about your retirement? I have a friend that's into planning for the future. You should read his book: "Planning for the future and other modern adult mature thinking" by Scott Collins.

Hmmm, and he's not the married one. I only take advice on the future from Weekend CEO's who've been known to slit insubordinates' wrists for underperforming and talking sass - in short, yes...of course I've consulted with the esteemed Mr. Collins about my retirement.

5. Would Andy be considered to be a "monster" there? How many godzilla-like monsters have you encountered already?

There is a guy I included in a picture a few posts back that I called "Yao Ming"; his name is Joe, or Big Joe. In mass, he is taller and bigger than Andy. I've seen Big Joe with too much alcohol in his system. He has not tossed garbage cans around the streets and jumped into a living room in nothing but a t-shirt and Scooby-Doo boxers so yes, Andy would be considered a monster. And I have encountered four godzilla-like monsters. I beat them with scathing wit and a salt shaker.

Altered State of Mind

Coming to you live from my futon...however my mind has been positively affected by alcohol. Tuesdays are my first days of work each week and, while the number of classes is fairly low, I have the most students of any day on Tuesdays. Every class I have is high energy. The first two little people act like a rambunctious married couple - where the boy is smart and participates half of the time...the girl is just as smart, participates more and, more or less, rolls her eyes at the boy. After a little break, I have two little dudes - maybe four or so...one of whom is named Shogo Togo. If you find me a better name than that, I'll give you a cookie. Actually I will probably just say that your name is not nearly as cool, feel bad about offering and then rejecting your attempt at the cookie and mail a cookie to you. I suppose it works out nicely if you share a kickass name.

After Shogo, there is a four student class with a hyper girl named Nene. Even though she's super-smart, all I can think of when I see her is Denver Nugget center Nene Hilario -

Once that class concludes I am feeling pretty genki and amped up for the rest of the day - and then I am hit with the class of five insane girls. Individually four of them are really smart and will actively participate...but once they're interacting with each other, all bets are off! They'll either completely silent and unresponsive or they'll be excitable but fight with each other - but in a playful way...for instance, they will laugh and whip bean bags at each other. I haven't figured out girls at any age.

So not only am I left lethargic after that class, but I am ready for drinking. Fortunately or, perhaps, unfortunately my co-worker is always amenable to that suggestion. Tonight we had a few at a little izakaya (Japanese version of tapas) and then went to the foreigner bar. They are not hot-blooded. Anyone get that?

Let me tell you about my weekend. My blog entries seem to indicate that I am a drunken fool all of the time. While I cannot dispute the 'fool' part of that, I don't drink THAT much here. But, that said, I drank to excess on Saturday night. Beer pong will serve beautifully as a conduit between American and Japanese drinking culture, I needed something else to supplement my drinking time and the power hour was that alternative. Whoa, I use bigger words whilst inebriated. For those unfamiliar, a power hour is basically taking a shot of beer each minute for an hour. The alcohol consumption is rough for that hour but the killer of the power hour is the amount of air you swallow...so the key to survival is burping. I am skilled in this art. Anyways, we made some changes to the standard power hour...we took two shots of beer for each song on a 38 track, 75 minute kids' cd that we use in class each day. And part of the idea was to act out the appropriate actions dictated in the song. That night I discovered that karaoke was not the only way to end a night and consider it great. Nope, apparently you can add drunk-dialing your grandparents. Sorry Gom and Pop but I was just not sober when I called. After I called Gom and Pop, I tried calling my parents...got Mort on the phone and he told me he wouldn't have known I was drunk if I didn't tell him so that's nice. You know, right now...my left armpit smells a little better than the right (there you are, Aubrey).

Moving on, after a Sunday of unimportance a gaggle of us met at the castle for...I don't really know what - a gaijin convention? First we broke out some sidewalk chalk and drew on the sidewalk of the castle. This, predictably, was not received well. Some of my friends made nice drawings of animals...my lack of artistic ability combined with my six year old sense of humor took over and my contribution was to ensure each animal was pooping. Thanks Mom - for both of those traits! Well, the castle protectors approached and asked if we were the defacement culprits. Their language was more simplified - "You animals?" Point taken...and we cleaned our chalk. Upon finishing, we got high fives from the men in uniform. To quote IAABP co-founder Mike, "You know, it's just kinda fun to get in trouble in Japan." The night wound down and I went to find my bike....and, no bike. A lot of Japanese bikes have locks built around the back wheel that you unlock with keys. Stupidly I left my keys in the lock - not thinking anyone would even be around...and, even further, it's Japan - they are not really thief types...except when it comes to bikes, I guess. Ok, the bike is crappy, so that being stolen wasn't gigantic but my house keys being attached to the same key-ring was a bit of a problem. After spending the night at Brenna's, I went to her balcony and discovered that she has an emergency ladder that goes directly to...my balcony!! So I lowered that ladder and was able to get to my apartment. Maybe this wasn't MacGyver because it was just a ladder and I followed directions, but I felt pretty adventurous and proud.

The remainder of the weekend wasn't too eventful but I was told by IAABP co-founder Mike that our attendance has been requested in Kobe for a beer pong event on Sept 14th. To make things better, we really have no idea who invited us. A friend of our's met someone who visited a hospital in Kobe and told the nurses about our exploits and got them interested enough to want us to bring our show on the road. Worldwide expansion is underway! In the upcoming weeks, you'll read about whatever dumb things we do at the final Himeji beer garden event on Sept 7th and then the trip to Kobe on the 14th. Please stay tuned and comment away...let me know where ya at!!




Four of the Crazy Five - at their calmest
Matt-sensei as an Anime character
The Nene that is not in my 6-7 Tuesday class.